


A Cowboy's Plight

by Nachorizo



Category: Original Work, She-Hulk (Comics)
Genre: Alcohol, Animal Abuse, Bar Room Brawl, Bartender abuse, Bartenders, Circle Stories, Cowboys & Cowgirls, Gen, Implied Flash, Implied Harry Potter - Freeform, Implied Iron Man, Implied King Arthur of Monty Python, Implied The Doctor, Magic, Mention of Satanism, Minor Character Death, POV Third Person Omniscient, Paint Kink, Religious Fanaticism, Shooting Guns, Walk Into A Bar, kiwi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:09:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29687913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nachorizo/pseuds/Nachorizo
Summary: A town wasn't big enough for all of them, but a city's newfangled bar might be.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3
Collections: Circle Stories





	A Cowboy's Plight

Cowboys weren't made for life in the city. It was just too... Cramped. There were far too many people and everything was so loud. Also, there was the fact it was a city, there weren't cows anywhere.

But here he was, a cowboy, in the city. And this wasn't just any city. They had the best races. If there's one thing he liked about the city... it was the raves. Hoo boy this cowboy loved his raves, city slickers made the best moonshine. Sometimes, they tasted like paint thinner -- his favourite flavour! Not to mention high fashion cowboy boots.

But today he had serious business.

"It's time for me to get some boots and some booty!" So he sauntered into a bar, his hat tilted to cast a shadow on his face, and declared loudly, "I declare!"

Everyone in the bar turned to look at him, hoping for free drinks.

"Declare what?" The bartender asked.

"That anyone who can bring me paint thinner will have the honor of death, my lips on their lips, riding on my kiss of death."

There was a wild scramble for the door as everyone rushed to find paint thinner. Everyone knew a kiss from a cowboy was good luck for a solid month. This was his true calling.

He cackled. "City folks are so silly." With a sly grin, he pulled out the thinner from his hat. As he sat his fine arse on a stool, he lifted a hand to get the barkeep's attention.

And came in a man. A man in long robes dropped from the sky as the door opened, covered head to toe in metal armour clumped in to the sound of an off-tune recorder.

The cowboy shot him back. 

"I declare-“ the armored man started to proclaim before the cowboy shot him.

Sadly however, the cowboy missed and hit himself in the paint thinner.

The man got back up. "- that I am King of the Britains." He grinned.

"What the fuck?" the cowboy shouted, "Everyone knows the britains dont exist, There's only AMERICA!"

As this happened, the bathroom door opened, and out came a man in a suit. "Good sirs," said the man in the suit. "May I interest you in some quality brains? By the way, that is factually incorrect," the man in the suit proclaimed.

"Who here has the gun exactly?" The cowboy asked the man in the suit. The cowboy was at a loss for words; the man in the suit was SO HOT. 

“What is up with people and dramatic entrances today?” The bartender muttered to himself. He didn’t know what he did to deserve this.

The man in the suit simply gave the bartender a cold glare, cold enough to freeze hell.

Another man in a suit, who seemed to be holding a strange pen, came out of a different bathroom.

 _"Where did all those bathrooms come from???" the_ bartender wondered.

"Wait! Am I late for the meeting?" The new guy yelled at the other suit guy.

There was a sudden silence and some crickets were heard.

The cowboy was so confused at this point. "Where's my paint thinner?" He asked the important question.

"Too many questions makes a person drop dead round these parts," the barkeep murmured. He immediately got shot.

"Oh shut it! I'm done with this!" The man in the suit pulled out an abnormal gun. The once bustling tavern emptied like a flash as people ran for cover.

"Alright, cowboy," a man in red iron suit landed in the bar, "you want to mess with the city, the city's gonna mess with you first."

"I just wanted my paint thinner for my breakfast toast," the cowboy said, exasperated. 

Aman in a red-and-yellow skin-tight suit suddenly appeared.

The barkeep wondered who exactly is going to pay for all these damages, then remembered he's supposed to be dead and not have to worry about all this. Then again, who knew what was keeping the economy of this city afloat anyway? It certainly wasn't the violent tourists the place seemed to attract.

The cowboy shot the barkeep again just to play it safe.

"Uh, guys, please stop fighting or I'll have to disarm you both," said the man in the tight suit.

The cowboy had no fucking idea who any of these people are. Suddenly there was a bright light and a kiwi appeared. No, not the fruit. The kiwi clucked confusedly. The cowboy shot the kiwi for sport. 

Suddenly, another man, this time clad in a black trenchcoat, walled in. He seemed to be clutching a timer (or is that a bomb??)

"Nice suit but this isn't the club you're looking for," the cowboy said with an eyebrow raised at the man.

Someone shouted from the back, "Don't kill it! It's my friend!" It was a boy with black hair green eyes and a lightening bolt scar. 

The man in the iron suit simply glaced at the approaching boy.

The cowboy shot twice at the kiwi.

The man in the skin-fitting suit moved, too fast to be seen. He caught the bullets just in time.

The boy with glasses in the back stepped forward and disarmed the cowboy using a stick and some magical words. "Enough violence!" the boy cried.

"Oh no," the cowboy said, "that's one of them satanist fellas with the sticks. My momma always told me to avoid them folks."

"Satanists? Where?" shouted a voice near the entrance. 

The boy then told them, "Better the devil than **Her**."

 **Her** walks in. She Hulk. The boy cowered.

"Momma!" the cowboy cried. As the cowboy said that, an explosion erupted from behind the bar.

They all died, blasted into tiny bits. Everyone died... Except for the boy, who lived.

_The end._

**Author's Note:**

> The people who contributed to this circle story are:  
> dw6fanmanxd  
> sksksks or grass#7863 on discord  
> TheVictorianLady#9092 on discord  
> InsomniacWithoutLife#9681  
> Kiwi_Kitty_Cat or John Seca Pee#6273  
> gesundheit28 or Gesundheit#6787  
> KingCarvar#6969  
> Psyga315


End file.
